Poems of a Recovering Addict: So instead I run

I wrote this poem when I first started to write again, right before my dad passed away. I found out he had cancer and I just couldn’t deal with the overwhelming amount of self pity and grief I was feeling. I had not a single coping skill for life. The only solution I had to help deal with my emotions was to distract myself with drugs and alcohol. 

Today I am in a program that allows me to take each day as it comes and to face each day’s problems head on. I have people to call for support. And I have a Higher Power, who I call God, who grants me the strength and courage I need to get through each day. I have coping skills. And because of these coping skills I can live fully in each moment, and feel each feeling as they come, without craving a release or a distraction. 

“Forever chasing that anesthetic 

Anything to be numb

To feel nothing

To simply not care

This pain is unbearable 

I don’t know how to cope

So instead I run.”