People unfamiliar with addiction may often wonder how one could possibly put their substance abuse over their family or children.
Even I, while going through my addiction would ask myself why can’t I get my life together for my daughter? As a child I remember questioning whether my mom actually loved me or not, and realized I was making my daughter feel the same way.
In my addiction, I was unable to give or receive love. I was emotionally disconnected from my loved ones and the world around me. So if I couldn’t feel the love that was being given to me how could that possibly keep me sober?
It’s harsh and sad to realize that my daughter or family were simply not enough to get or keep me sober. No human power could have relieved me from addiction, but God could and would if he were sought.
Since I sought a power greater than myself I have not only been relieved of my drinking and drug problems, I have been able to reconnect with my daughter and loved ones and continue to rebuild the relationships I had once destroyed.
“No longer a mother
To you I have failed
Was stuck in addiction
All my weaknesses revealed
A demon inside
I put before my own
Unable to project my true feelings
My love to you I couldn’t show
So deeply disappointed
I am in myself
For making you feel
How my mother made me feel
As a child you should not
Question the love
But you do when your mother
Over you, her addiction was above”
This is beautiful. Thank you for sharing part of your story!