For so long, I didn’t want to feel. Grief was a big feeling I would constantly try to escape from and bury. No matter how hard I tried, those negative feelings would find their way to the surface. That is the story behind this poem.
I was so afraid to get clean and sober because I knew it meant facing everything I tried so desperately to hide from. I wouldn’t have thought that working a 12-step program and developing coping skills would help me find freedom from that pain or guilt.
I thought I would have to just find a way to live with it, I thought it would haunt me for the rest of my life.
Instead I was taught how to face those feelings head on despite the fear and anxiety I felt and because I was able to do that, I am no longer haunted. I am free.
“Pain is different than any demon
I’ve met before
He stays dormant for awhile
Until, suddenly, he knocks at your door
Pain is different than any demon
I’ve met before
So quickly he moves
With his double-edged sword
Aiming at your heart
Ready to puncture your core
Laughing wickedly as he
Stands over your body on the floor
Pain is different than any demon
I’ve ever met before.”
