Poems of a Recovering Addict: Brick by brick

This is my most recent poem. Writing in sobriety has been a challenge for me. Mostly because of my own fear, feelings of inadequacy, or low self esteem. 

Throughout my life I believed that getting too close to people would cause me pain. That everyone close to me would die or leave. So I chose to protect myself from this pain by guarding myself and not letting anyone through my wall.

I now realize that this survival technique or coping mechanism caused me more pain than a life of connection ever could have. Slowly I have been able to change this negative behavior and develop actual human relationships in many different forms.

I have also developed a relationship with my Higher Power, God. Removing this wall that blocked the possibility of connection with others has set me free to be a part of life at last. To not hide and cower in fear behind my wall. Instead to rely on God for strength and courage to take each day as it comes. It has given me the freedom to grow. 

Brick by brick

I built this wall

My wall of protection 

Is what it was called

Safe and guarded

No one could get inside

Too afraid and unsure

Behind my wall I did hide

But this sense of loneliness 

Became so strong overtime

So brick by brick 

I started to climb

To escape this prison

I myself created

Where I wasn’t protected

Instead isolated

Behind my wall

I couldn’t possible live

And through this wall

None of myself could I possibly give

So now it is life

That I choose to pick 

I will tear down this wall

Brick by brick.