At the time of writing this poem, I was trying so hard to run away from all of the negative emotions I was feeling – attempting to hide from the person I had become.
No matter how much I drank or how much I used, the guilt and shame constantly haunted me. Drugs and alcohol no longer provided me with the temporary relief or escape that I longed for. Even though they began to lose their effectiveness I still used or drank, because at the time it was the only solution I knew.
Being physically removed from all substances was necessary for me. Drugs and alcohol had complete control over my life, my will power had become nonexistent. Being physically powerless, jail and rehab allowed me to regain the power to choose again.
Addiction is not just a physical dependency but also a mental obsession. So coming home I needed to develop a way to stay stopped.
I started a program and developed a way to clear the destruction of my past, to exchange my feeling of guilt for gratefulness, shame for serenity. I am no longer haunted. I am free!
“Forever present
Are my past demons
Unwilling to let me be
For unknown reasons
They always come back knocking
Along with the skeletons
In my closet
To ensure
They’re not forgotten
Forever present
To leave me feeling haunted.”
