This is my most recent poem. Writing in sobriety has been a challenge for me. Mostly because of my own fear, feelings of inadequacy, or low self esteem.
Throughout my life I believed that getting too close to people would cause me pain. That everyone close to me would die or leave. So I chose to protect myself from this pain by guarding myself and not letting anyone through my wall.
I now realize that this survival technique or coping mechanism caused me more pain than a life of connection ever could have. Slowly I have been able to change this negative behavior and develop actual human relationships in many different forms.
I have also developed a relationship with my Higher Power, God. Removing this wall that blocked the possibility of connection with others has set me free to be a part of life at last. To not hide and cower in fear behind my wall. Instead to rely on God for strength and courage to take each day as it comes. It has given me the freedom to grow.
Brick by brick
I built this wall
My wall of protection
Is what it was called
Safe and guarded
No one could get inside
Too afraid and unsure
Behind my wall I did hide
But this sense of loneliness
Became so strong overtime
So brick by brick
I started to climb
To escape this prison
I myself created
Where I wasn’t protected
Instead isolated
Behind my wall
I couldn’t possible live
And through this wall
None of myself could I possibly give
So now it is life
That I choose to pick
I will tear down this wall
Brick by brick.
